You are lucky enough to have a partner that loves you and kids that look up to you. I often think of suicide as my only way out of certain situations because right now I can’t see myself as having any kind of future. Why was I born? I have been in prison all my life and and I have no place out here they beat me enough times to brake my body and hurt it so it doesn’t work properly I don’t have wife a house a job money and can’t even talk to people I will end it all who the fuck cares about talking to some guy saying it will be ok I’m the one who doesn’t call and doesn’t get help because no one wants to help me just wants me gone and I am an old washed up ex con that no one will miss Only my coward nature is keeping me alive. And I’m tired of experimenting on myself with drugs. talk therapies etc which I suspect most people writing on here have already tried without success. I made a promise to my therapist that if these thoughts become overwhelming I would go to the emergency room at the local hospital if she would come along with me, which she said she would. I’ve spent so much time reading, trying to educate myself on what may be wrong with me or how I can become more helpful in this crazy world. The best thing that I have to keep going is knowing what hurt I would inflict on my daughter if I actually killed myself. But funding to help those of us who struggle has been cut year after year for decades. PLEASE ALLOW US PEACE. I apologize for sounding selfish and ungrateful. And so, there’s no hope. I’m sorry about your misery. Instead, it would simply DEVASTATE those that you, yourself, describe as your “wonderful wife [and] two beautiful children”. I went back to work at my high paying job for a few months… I was out at the beach celebrating my 1 year cancer free anniversary only to be smashed by a 2,000 ton truck… unfortunately I survived… now I’m depressed with a brain injury and can no longer work. That should make life safer for you, so I urge you to get it. 3 months later developed ovarian cancer and eventually had to lose all my reproductive organs.. I have been feeling more and more isolated and suicidal. It matters to the bride who will never have her father walk her down the aisle at her wedding. One of my biggest struggles is that so many people don’t seem to understand that this isn’t a causal effect where something’s been going badly in my life and I want to die as a result. Most people looking from the outside in think I have it all nothing more than a high school diploma and make roughly 100k a year. ” The article is right, after a while the thoughts become so normal. A friend of mine (PhD in Clinical Psych) is professor emeritus in psychiatry at an internally renowned university. I do feel less alone thanks to people like you willing to share your deepest feelings. Maria, I’m sorry you want to die soon. I do realize I just want the pain to stop. Acute frontal sinusitis is caused by inflammation in your frontal sinus cavities. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 is available all the time, as is the Crisis Text Line at 741741. Yet I go on living, in spite of any rational reason for doing so. She gave me all my stuff back and told me to never contact her again and that I needed to face what I have done to her. I hope you will consider talking with someone about your troubles, if you haven’t already. Please reply back if you wish to talk. But I am not optimistic. Both are available 24/7. This can weaken their inhibitions and fears about suicide. I am not married, I don’t have a relationship, I have a job but it’s a job nothing more. There’s more to life than money and status. Shut the lights off, close... 2. I was less favoured amoung my siblings – as the eldest daughter – expected to be the one that helped my mother in all areas of home life. And all I think is I’ll just kill myself in jail.. I hope that you’re able to keep telling yourself the thoughts will pass – and, too, that you can keep telling yourself what you told Tyler. Your life matters. I just want my mind to stop & these thoughts to go away. Unless we’re talking about a massive public health intervention (e.g, fluoridation of water to prevent caries), there’s no reason to think that introducing a therapeutic approach that only a small number of people receive would lower the suicide rates for everyone. You’re right. My advice to my children and all young people is do what makes you happy. My parents keep asking me to promise not to kill myself, and I do, because I love them so much, but I can’t keep doing this for much longer. Would never endanger anyone else – Wish I could leave to be at peace and pain free. I get more afraid I’ll do it now and leaving my 3 kids…. Look at history. am, Sun. But lying around being horribly, utterly depressed while continuing to breathe doesn’t take much effort. Some have thought of suicide ever since they were young children. What do you recommend? doesnt once mention ptsd. DBT is good for people with chronic suicidal thoughts, so I’m glad you found your way to this spot. As far as I know I’ve had a pretty decent life tho I’ve made some bad decisions here and there but never hurt myself. Sweetheart, you clearly care about your children. And he doesn’t understand that either. I hope you make it. I’m worth more dead than alive. I am self employed but yet unable to make enough to totally cover all my expenses, so I am basically living off of my life savings. YOU ARE “BETTER” THAN MOST PEOPLE. Convicted for trying to get help for suicidal thoughts ; malicious communication! I know suicide is the wrong way of thoughts but still I keep on thinking about it since I was 9…. I feel the same way. I’ve attempted it couple times. And if you need numbers or information about more places where there might be someone you connect with, please check out the site’s Resources Page. I want to learn to be productive and not want to die when im not. I wrote my will today, I wrote a note for my husband, I picked a location and a way to kill myself the only thing that stopped me was that my young daughter was coming home, I hate feeling the way I do , I feel alone, angry,hurt,misunderstood,in mental pain and just tired, I cant remember the last time that any activity I did actually made me happy, what the fuck is wrong with me why am I so weak, Why am I so pathetic ? What can help. I have to attend school every day but it only worsens these thoughts. I think something that bothers me is that if someone actually does have cancer there is a great support system. I have taken this medication for twelve years with no problem. Even then, watery eyes can be treated easily using over-the-counter products as well as home remedies which are discussed herein, in addition to possible causes of the condition. Please give an update on how you are. [This comment was edited to omit details of a suicide method, per the Comments Policy. EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), a forum where you can talk to others who have had suicidal thoughts for a long time,, the Resources page at,,, Language Matters: Committed Suicide vs. I don’t care about anything anymore. I have been hospitalized in psychiatric hospital 4 times, 6 rounds of electric shock & am resistant to antidepressants & mood stabilzer. How sad! There’s no reason for it. And some days it’s seems so pointless. I argue with my mom too much and get frustrated and just think about killing myself because I know I shouldn’t let myself get angry if she does so much for me. She doesn’t think about suicide but understands why I do. Working on it tho. I’ve heard from numerous folks about bad calls to the suicide hotline. The first day I step into prison will be the last too. I wish you peace, strength, perseverance, and endurance in the path that lies ahead. You can also try one of the hotlines, text lines, or other resources listed at If you want to learn of places where you can get help by phone, text, email, or online chat, please check out the Resources page at I will look into your kind resource suggestion if I feel that bad again. I feel like I’m doing a tap dance on the edge of a cliff and sooner or later I’m just going to go over the side, and there won’t even be a particular reason for it. Anxiety is horrible. I list other places, too, where you can get help by phone, email, text, or online chat at Anyway this is just my 10 cents worth, and I hope you get the help you deserve. What if they see me as a danger to myself and take immediate action? Eviction, loss of security,the inability of me being able to get a job or secure childcare has left me feeling very empty and useless as a mother. I’m grateful that it gives you some solace. Look at slaughterhouses. I’ve never been in a relationship since I know I’m broken beyond repair, and I’d hate to be that guy that tricks some woman into loving him only to have her find out she ended up with an unlovable animal. I am so fragile. The only difference is in the ER, where no one needed to save my life, but was unnecessarily forced by police, more than once, from my home based on ridiculous assumptions, when I was already struggling, and was already trying to get effective help, not even close to thoughts of suicide. Thank you. Shedding of tears is a normal function of the eye. I’m glad you mentioned that chronic thoughts of suicide aren’t always from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had suicidal thoughts all my life and recently they have gotten worse because in Jan 2017 my girlfriend claimed I did something unspeakable to her. tried to hang myself failed (obviously ) still here 🤦🏼‍♀️ I experienced a near death experience (resuscitated) peaceful experience (accidental drowning) feel everyone better off without my drama….. they will miss me! So I did and then started having seizures everyday because of the stress on my brain. now i find myself trapped in a 7 years and counting depression. I hate life and these comments make me so sad for myself and others, I feel the same. He may resent having to care for you sometimes but that’s just friction since he would obviously want to be his own man. I have more lethal means for my final attempt, but ive been strong enough so far to resist. Tamara Suttle informed me of this blog so I have her and you to thank for being here. Though I certainly hope you don’t act on your suicidal thoughts, I can understand why suicide calls out to you. I am so broken you can’t fix me anymore. It felt like someone was actully listening for a moment. Get away to some peaceful place, Mountain town, farming commune….away from cities and phones……go to that Quiet Zone town…..everyone is talking about…..find yourself, accept yourself and live your life your own way. It is caused by taking painkilling medication - usually for headache. Wot do I do?? Suffering a headache with pain around the eye socket and temple is a very uncomfortable feeling that sometimes requires medical attention. We are the same. I hear it helps. go out in a blaze or go out quietly? The suicidal thoughts happen ALL. I lost my 15 year-old son to suicide. Anyway, I am alive only because one person has demanded it. I got divorced and remarried three years ago: since that time my kids and my parents have become people I hardly recognize. I want to say that people who consider this as an end to their suffering should not be judged. There have been times I attempted and also heard a voices in my head to kill myself. Held it for quite a while.. again.. it was the thought of my mom that I couldn’t do it.. and ya, I’ve thought about doing it to cause pain to an ex, but that’s inmutare, don’t cause someone else pain, they don’t deserve it…. I have four beautiful kids who love me to death and I couldn’t imagine life without them. I just want the pain to go away. 6 years ago when I turned 21 I tried to kill myself and was in a psych hospital. I did. Thank you for realising that suicidal ideation can be a comfort and not an emergency. Oddly I’ve heard this from several people – the Suicide Prevention Hotline doesn’t know how to work with those of us who have decided that suicide is an option. Migraines. I am their world. Please give yourself room to mourn, but remember you are not to blame for bad things that happen to you. It hurts so much. I can’t wait til I die someday. It felt at first like someone was saying there is some right perspective. If it wasn’t for collateral damage to friends and family I’d have been dead long ago, I feel like an attention seeker doing this, i always said if someone wants to kill themselves then just do it. I have been making plans, writing notes to people. God loves you. Sometimes I would mix them with my monster’s (mother’s) cask wine. 5 . It matters to the people who will be called upon to pay your funeral expenses and to the surprising number of mourners who will show up at your funeral to offer comfort and support to your family. Perhaps there’s a good reason for this we just don’t know. I have not been an achiever & although I have worked hard to build my confidence up I have only been in low paid jobs so I have nothing – all my money goes toward rent and bills which is demoralising. Tonya, you’re right. I was hospitalized 3 times after the birth of my youngest son nearly 3 years ago and I promised myself I wouldn’t let it get this bad. So maybe your in a better place than me. Over the past couple of years suicidal thoughts have been creeping into my mind, and now are there daily. Can you imagine being 75 yo, body aching from age-related illnesses, but still having to work a demanding low-wage job while balancing out-of-pocket health care and prescription costs national studies show eat up the majority of many seniors’ income? Their suicidal thoughts become chronic. Help is available. As much as I say I want to die, all I really want is just for these thoughts to stop. I am not out of the woods, but I am functional. I’m grateful that you have something so important — thoughts of the people who would miss you — to deter you from suicide. I feel this way so often. It was a big mistake on my part. I have 23 years in and only have 5 more to go. Same with medication and other stress and anxiety reducing methods. I have learned to get myself out of the black hole cycles and also learned a way to extract myself from depressive thoughts. If you earnestly seek your purpose, you will find it. It’s a lonely world now. But that’s never been true. You may also experience: It might seem unlikely that your teeth could affect your eyes, but a problem with your bite or jaw alignment can make you tense the muscles of your face. Get rid of social media. I will take you out on date. I have no reason to go on. You’re asking him to stay and suffer that’s just heartless of you. I think I might like girls, but I’m worried that if my friends find out, they’ll hate me. – all actions that likely would be a welcome change for many people with chronic suicidal thoughts. its getting so hard and these suicidal thoughts keep coming to my mind! How do they know how to stop me, do they know that I’m staring at them, saying, what can you possibly do for me that would make my life worthwhile? The woman I love is hurting thinking I am a monster and it does not really matter to me if it’s only in her head it’s real to her. No wife, waning support and my best friend just moved away (to live a much better life. Most people go through there whole life without thinking about suicide let alone making a true attempt and not just a cry for help, when that thought and agonizing struggle of suicide becomes your normal state of being that is what gets misunderstood. My partner works out of town and I miss her but am annoyed when she’s home and wants to spend time with me. I have no reason to be complaining or hurting in this way. The psychologist Marsha Linehan, PhD, developed DBT, which essentially is a form of cognitive behavior therapy combined with principles from Zen Buddhism. I send out my love to all who understand what I am going through I personally don’t know any one we were not allowed to talk to each other about this subject in DBT, I am totally alone, no friends, no family to speak of (only one friend that goes to stores for me). I’ve read it many times and it always brings reassurance. Do what you have to do to enforce your boundaries. And that’s deeply sad and horrible and possibly terribly unfair. That hit home HARDDDDD FOR ME HOLY CRAP! thats y i dont do it. I’m scared of telling anyone I know how I feel due to the stigma attached I don;t want to be known as that loony women I dont want medication to dictate how I feel, I just want to understand why, I know that the feelings will come back and next time will there be an excuse? I know how to change my outward behavior to appear and present normally. <3. He looked oddly familiar. Learn the symptoms and your treatment…, The optic nerve carries visual information from your eye to your brain. It never shuts up. It hurt. I am a Christian as well. I just want to rest. That would really shock those who know me. But all I have ever desperately wished for is to not feel like not existing would be preferable to being who I am and living the life I live. I’m at my wits end. “Yes if I did some work on my end. Their suicidal thoughts become chronic. A few of the usual left turns but we’re simple the last couple of years they have been nothing but left turns and dead ends keep trying to rationalize the trials and tribulations of bad choices bad luck and unfortunate circumstances but I just can’t seem to focus like I used to. Let’s do it together? I have no proof there is a God etc. This sounds so painful. I know this person was special and my young ignorant arrogant ways have compromised my happiness. The second one resolves completely and the pattern continues. 12 Ways to Get Therapy if You Can’t Afford It, University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work, psychotherapist and consultant in private practice. Also you can speak with someone for free at a hotline, text line, or a number of other services listed at I feel like broken trash therefore I should be gone, Me. I do have other resources listed at that aren’t 1-800 numbers. I can pray and pray and he is just not hearing me. [This comment was edited, per the Comments Policy. What Can You Do to Treat It? The degree of it comes and goes. My mom and grandmother passed away a while back. Reading these comments makes me cry. I can’t walk far and have physical pain. I don’t want to leave a fat corpse to be carried out. Back when I was young, I had a group of friends, all died at young ages. Thank you for making me laugh and I agree with the world needing people like us.. just wish it was somehow easier to exist. Feeling of pressure behind the eyes; Sensitivity to sound and light. Please use one of the following formats to cite this article in your essay, paper or report: APA. Please talk to your Doctor and Therapist. All healthcare is not created equal. But maybe look at the kid and the women that loves you and chose to make you a constant part of your life and know how much you matter to them…, yeah so back from trip…thoughts of suicide even while sunning and swimming. When working in text editors or viewing online … Mindfulness can be especially useful. I am no longer suicidal as I was in the immediate aftermath of my son’s death by his own hand, but I am more determined than ever to help people who find themselves in the desperate circumstances described by so many people on this page. Nice looking boy (with some issues). I have my little dogs that show me love. I do have another article on the site — Like Clouds Before the Sun: Mindfulness and Suicidal Thoughts — that talks about how to see suicidal thoughts “objectively floating by and not fear them.” Perhaps it could be of help, too. Look at severe birth defects. I would like to take that brick and throw it through that obscure window to shatter any illusions about family members and loved ones being “better off” without the person who struggles with chronic suicidal thoughts! I am screaming out for help. My wife and them just have almost no relationship. And I want to go but I know it will hurt the kids. I am a 17 yr old trans guy. (2020, December 02). We’ve known each other since childhood. I’m Lisa….not Brian… not that it matters. I had to laugh at the car comment though- thank you for that. Pain from a dehydration headache can occur at the front, back, side, or all over the head. I imagined how she and I would both feel if she couldn’t walk and I had to care for her. I can make it a little longer. anyone else just not thrilled with the idea of continuing because well, life just isn’t worth it? My 26 year-old daughter approached me yesterday about a fundraising effort at her former high school as a means of memorializing the life of her brother who died of suicide during his freshman year at the same high school. I don’t know which was worse the bad side effects of the antidepressants and Klonopin, or the one way action in talk therapy. I’ve wanted to self-harm since 6th grade but never had the guts to do it. 90 percent of what you said is true except for the last part “as long as you allow it to happen” sometimes it happens to us, allowing is not involved or as a reoccurring nightmare of thoughts that were never invoked. I would have died years ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to cause you such sadness and heartache. Like you need love and sex even tho the sex can be terrible, the temporary satisfaction and attention is the main desire. But there has to be ways to deal with this. It’s not for everyone. I feel like my sisters can grow up without me now, I feel like I don’t have to be a bother anymore. I have suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotional Intensity Disorder, social anxiety, depression and from my teenage years Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. seems i can no longer pull myself out as i used to, and of course i am planning again. I have no support and no family. In his essay titled “The Meaning of Life Nobody Ever Told You”, Harry J. Stead describes one such patient: “A distraught woman came to his clinic and told him that she wished to commit suicide. It’s just damaging and I feel like my soul is eroded like a mountainside by snow or rain-the feelings I have are the element and one day the mountain just crumbles. In my case, there are very few people who have experienced what I have to during my life, therefore it is extremely difficult to find anyone to understand. Im a over fifty year old women, my life has been a bit of a bitch, but it didn’t work out how I thought it would, I’m married I have two children, two grandchildren, and two more grandchildren on the way,, people think I should be over the moon by all this, I’m happy for everyone, but I’m done, I’m OK with suicide,, my two boys don’t like me much any more we don’t talk as mum and son any more, my husband and I aren’t emotionally or physically close any more, I’m just working my arse off at work, stupid days and hours for what…. I’m struggling. You see I’ve been on both sides and I’m here to tell you happiness comes from within it has nothing to do with money most will disagree with me on this but from my personal experience. So, thank you. It is always in my mind as an option. Maybe one will be useful. I have had A LOT and I do mean A LOT of major life events and they continue today. I am constantly the butt of everyone’s joke. start documenting her behavior. I’ve been suicidal since my dad passed away. ), Hang in there. We have to sell our home. I’m beginning to wonder if this curse will ever end. Friends have moved away. Find two things you have enjoyed this week and send a note/text/email of appreciation. i have thought of killing myself and its hard to stop thinking like this my boyfriend told me that if i kill myself he will die to be with me. Sure, there’s some sympathy. Tension headache. I need you to know that you are not alone. Everything works temporarily. Everything keeps getting recycled back into the fold. I couldn’t live with the thought of her thinking I did along with her being in so much pain. I’ve been getting continuous help since 2012 by a Doctor and Therapist and I still struggle everyday with thoughts. There was no way that I was going to put a child through the shit that I was put through but I have never liked children. They definitely are, for me, a major reason for living, surpassing even the mountains and ocean in importance. I was a single parent which was very difficult, being in low paid jobs and a lack of support was depressing. Thanks for your articles and practical approach to suicide. The door will be left open. Everything I do is over reacting.. constantly hearing we lost you when you started smoking pot.. Every single motel we stayed In he would cut up the bed thinking people were inside. I recommend doing both, if you’re not already. 3. As I said before, I’ve just seen my wife get dumbed down by it to the point where it affected her career and cares in life. I have helped many people enjoy a better quality of life – at the expense of my own quality of life. "But you don't want to make the mistake of taking heavy pain pills and going to sleep." I know its not tho. Suicide is a complex social and medical phenomenon without a single cause or cure. Well, somehow I didn’t go away (took the easy way out), so I got to see my kids succeed, get married and actually make me feel valuable to them. Is it childhood shit influencing me to end this?No one to understand that I know to identify with validate me. Well it worked and took my mind off how bad things were. Pain generally feels like a stabbing, burning, or stinging sensation. Well I was woken up by my sister’s friend one morning he was shaking me telling me get up someone has hung themselves in your back yard.. That’s my lifeline. That’s my depression (or stress, or post-traumatic stress, or some other condition) talking.”. The pain of being alive is worse than anything. Also, I’ve never had a boyfriend, have only been on a few dates, and am terrified of dating. Email me if you want. I cry all day. That sounds good in theory but unfortunately I, and I will speak only for myself, do not respond to “you are beautiful and life is worth living” statements. I’m sad. I am sorry that I didn’t let you in on the perpetual despair I lived in. How can love, the one emotion humans are known for, be the thing that shoots you down? Im having a lot of trouble finding good in my world. I have never attempted but I have gone as far as acquiring the means and developing detailed plans and back up plans. I can’t seem to talk myself into taking anymore antidepressants. For people suffering from this devastating and terrible disease, there really is no asylum outside of a grave. Please, if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself please go to the emergency room at your local hospital. Everyday. House empty no one knew anything.. I suppose I need to at least talk to someone, and can always take or leave the medications. I am now 70 and she is 61. I kept this thought as a secret until I was 24. I think about it constantly. You are young, with a good number of productive years ahead, fight to live, I have dealt with suicidal thoughts and depression for a little over a year now. Meet 1 new neighbor. It’s a shitty feeling being this lonely, isolated and afraid. Every day. It started with my parent’s divorce and then bullying and I’ve always circled around the idea of it. Give yourself that chance. I’d rather die than go to jail.. But without effectively addressing these large systemic contributants to suicide, I don’t think things are going to improve substantially. Im certainly not inspiring anyone from way down here. I just want this anger to go away. A few weeks back over the phone I reached out to one of them explaining what happened and we talked, she calmed me down and I had asked if she would check on me, at least by message.